Most Likely to Succeed
by whileimhere10
Summary: The inmates of Litchfield cultivate some friendly competition


There was a piece of gum underneath the lunchroom table. Piper's hand brushed against it as she reached out to rest her fingers on Alex's thigh. Her first thought was a pleasant fantasy of a high school cafeteria. Her second thought was that she should take the gum and see if there was any flavor left. Definitely still in prison. Her brain was so different now. It felt flexible and hard. She had never realized that the outside was like living at level two and she was capable of living at level ten. Her response time, wit, and ability to adapt, even if it was just to stick a stranger's gum in her mouth, were so foreign from the traits that had mattered when she was free. She squeezed Alex's leg lightly and her fingers skimmed the thin fabric of her pants with familiarity. People came and went. Emotions came up strong and were quickly supplanted by more immediate emotions. She wondered if she would have enough time left in her life to examine the backlog of thoughts that were piling up in her brain.

Alex's lips hovered next to her ear and her words were low, "Baby, check it out. Mercy's back." Piper watched as Big Boo rose from her seat and engulfed her ex in a hug that involved more pelvis than arms. Mercy grabbed Boo's face in her hands and kissed her hard. A cheer went up from the lunchroom and it took two guards to pry them apart. Boo returned to her seat with a swagger and high fived Sophia who couldn't contain a happy smile. Mercy took a seat next to Nicky who smacked her on the back and gave her a once over. "You're looking thin, kid!" she announced with ever-increasing volume. "You're back on the stuff! Red's gonna lose her shit!" She dove back into her lunch with gusto and wiggled her eyebrows at Piper and Alex, wagging her finger at them. "You two are gonna have some competition for the most popular couple around here."

"We aren't a couple…" Alex started

"They're not as cute as us…"Piper interjected.

Alex whipped her head around and her eyebrows spoke volumes

"Well they aren't" Piper whispered.

"You're a bitch" Mercy quipped, head turned towards Boo's table. "I'm hot as fuck and Boo is too." She blew a kiss.

"If you like large, ungainly farm animals" Alex retorted

Nicky gestured with her fork, "You both have points. If there was a vote, Vause, you know you'd be top of the list. You're hot. Even your terrible attitude. No question. I mean I'd vote for her, wouldn't you Morello?"

"Yeah" she squeaked, "Vause you're ok. I'd vote for ya."

"I mean we all know Morello's only saying that to be polite cuz she'd vote for me first and foremost, but you'd be up there."

Morello kicked Nicky under the table and they smiled at each other.

"What about me?" Piper quipped

"Chapman" Nicky started, "I want to say that you'd be on the ballot, but I don't know if you'd make it."

Piper opened her mouth incredulously. " Why not? I'm a size four, I'm blonde, I'm sassy. I make _soap_! Why wouldn't I be on the ballot?"

"You'd be on it, "Mercy answered calmly, "but there's no way you'd win, especially if it was a couples vote. I mean, you'd only be hanging onto Vause's coattails."

Piper glared at Alex, who shrugged and took a bite of macaroni.

"Now a Vause and _Mercy_ ticket? That would be solid. You'd get the bois, the butches and the studs. Plus Vause can obviously swing the femme vote. All of 'em"

"Shut up Nicky" Alex ordered with a roll of her eyes.

"We need one of 'em to be Spanish" Morello chimed in. "That one with the tear on her face. What about her and Mercy?"

"You like that?" Nicky exclaimed," Should I get one?"

Alex furrowed her forehead, "I think it would be a sure thing if it were _me_ and Flaca, but I don't think Mercy could cut it."

"Hey!" Piper smacked her arm

"Hey!" Mercy put her fork down.

Nicky sat back with a Cheshire cat grin. "Ladies, I think there's only one way to settle this. We need to put it to a vote."

* * *

What do you think? Should I continue? Will Flaca and Alex be a thing? Falex? Vaca (lol)? Will Boo and Mercy usurp the Vausman drama we've come to know and love? Let me know if I should carry on!


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